CRAWFORD, TEXAS (The Borowitz Report)—Stating, “I never dreamed this day would come,” former President George W. Bush confirmed on Tuesday that he is celebrating no longer having started the dumbest war in U.S. history. “When you make a boneheaded mistake as epic as I did, you pretty much assume that no one will ever do something stupider,” Bush said. “I gotta say, I’m pinching myself.” The former president admitted, however, that “if anyone was going to out-dumb me, it was gonna be this guy.” “Look, I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed,” he said. “But even I know not to stare at an eclipse.” Thank you, Canada!Canadians are celebrating TBR’s 25th anniversary by becoming subscribers! Here’s a note from one of them:"You've been making me laugh on the daily since I joined Substack - and I've been free riding for too long. Humour is one of the most effective and healthy coping strategies available and your takes are among the best out there! Thanks for sharing."You can get a special 25th anniversary subscription for only $25. The sale ends Wednesday.© 2026 Andy Borowitz |